Being the Victim or the Hero | A Conversation With Brandon Part 2
This is Part 2 of Brandon's story of being a bully and choosing to make a change.
The Choose Well Approach To Bullying
[1:00] When The Choose Well Program was getting started, one of the first school districts I (Mister Brown) worked with wanted me to talk about bullying. I didn’t want to be known as the bullying guy. I think it’s important to talk about bullying, but I think it’s one of many poor choices that students make. The Choose Well Program is more than just saying “stop bullying.”
The Choose Well Program stepped in to be the alternative voice for all negative choices including bullying. Instead of simply telling kids to stop being mean to each other, we could tell them to choose to care.
“I choose to care about others, my world, and myself.”
Choosing to care about others means that we remember that everyone is going through something tough in their life. We can relate to people instead of ostracize them. Ultimately, choosing to care about others and my world shows that we are choosing to care about ourselves. The choices we make impact how we interact with other people and our world, which will impact us.
What Is Bullying?
[3:20] Bullying is when someone is picking on someone else, it is done repeatedly, and there is a power difference. The person who is bullying asserts power over the person they are bullying and they target them over and over again.
Instead of saying “stop bullying,” The Choose Well Program offers an aspirational goal that everyone can embrace. In this way, a school culture expresses that everyone cares about everyone else, that everyone has a place at the school, and that everyone matters. A positive school culture acknowledges that everyone deserves respect and to be treated with dignity.
It all comes back to a choice. We can choose to care about others, our world, and ourselves.
“I Am Responsible For Me”
[5:45] One of the main concepts that Brandon Cervania took away from The Choose Well Program assembly with me was personal responsibility. The “I am responsible for me” message helps students see that they have the power to choose how they will respond in any given situation. Brandon realized that he could be the hero of his story or he could be the victim.
“I have this powerful ability to be a good person and I can bring other people into that identity too.” -Brandon Cervania
With his newfound mindset, Brandon knew he could change his world. His identity was no longer of being a bully. His identity was someone making better choices.
When we are the best people that we can be, we impact others to want to be the best version of themselves too. When we can embrace our identity in a positive way, we will start to make better choices in our lives. Instead of life being about the bad things that have happened to us, it can be about what we are choosing to do to help us move forward.
Victim or Hero?
[8:45] When we make better choices, others can see the difference and know that there is a better way for them too. Brandon could see that when he changed his behavior and his outlook, others were drawn to that.
The victimhood mentality that Brandon had caused him to not accept personal responsibility for his own actions. Holding onto his hurt ended up hurting him more. Instead of a negative story defining him, Brandon chose to have a positive story move him forward.
Brandon found more hope in the idea of being a hero in his story instead of a victim. He began to overcome the hurt and shame he felt by making better choices; better choices in how he treated other people and how he took care of himself.
Brandon found that when he was struggling with hurt, shame, and being a bully, there were other students like him. Holding onto pain became a way for them to run away from their problems. Brandon and other students like him needed to see that choosing a new way could be positively impactful for their lives. Fortunately, Brandon found that through my message.
"Never underestimate the power of a moment."
[12:25] The purpose of The Choose Well Program is not to replace educators and parents in the lives of students. The goal of The Choose Well Program is to by a catalyst for conversation and positive school culture. It is meant to be a tool to help educators, parents, and students connect with each other in their communities. The Choose Well Program leverages the quote, “Never underestimate the power of a moment.”
“Never underestimate the power of a moment.”
For Brandon, the powerful moment came when he heard me speak at his school. A switch in his thinking flipped and he realized that he had the power to make better choices. Every day, educators, parents, and students have the opportunity to use moments to impact the their own lives as well as the lives of everyone around them.
Brandon can point to the moment that his mindset changed and it was at the assembly at his school. Other students can have that moment as well. Encouraging words from a teacher or parent can be the moment. Kind words from peers can be the moment. Every moment matters. Every day we all have the opportunity to use moments in our lives to build other people up and not tear them down.
The Bridge
[13:10] Even after being a bully, Brandon realized that he could still make the next best choice in his life. His moment of realizing that he could start making better choices was a bridge getting him to the next best choice. It was as simple as making a choice and then another good choice and building from there.
Building on one good choice after another, created a snowball effect in Brandon’s life to continued good choices. Of course, Brandon is not perfect and has made mistakes as we all do, but he knew he could always go back to making the next best choice. He was no longer stuck by his failures. Failures were opportunities to do the next right thing.
Thank You, Brandon
[15:00] I am so appreciative to Brandon for coming forward with his story. I don’t always get to see what happens to students after they hear my message, but I am always encouraged when I hear that students, educators, and parents have been impacted.
Brandon is a testament to the fact that our choices have power. We have the power to impact our own lives as well as other people’s lives by the choices that we make. For better or worse, we can be a force in our world through the choices we make. It is always my goal to encourage and lead people to understand that, “When you make better choices you will live a better life, so choose well. Oh yeah!”
