Model It: How To Teach Respect In the Classroom Part 2

In this three-part podcast, Lauren Conner and I, break down how to teach respect in the classroom. Over the three parts, we will define respect, talk about how to model respect, and what it means to acknowledge respect. This episode goes in-depth about how to model respect.

What Does It Mean To Model Respect

[1:20] At it’s very basic point, modeling respect means treating kids with respect. That means we treat kids like people. We don’t talk down to them, we don’t belittle them. We talk to kids in a way that makes them feel heard.

Modeling respect also means giving up the “me” versus “them” mentality. It can be hard to work with kids, but we are still the adults and set the tone in the classroom. Having respect in the classroom means everyone participates in being respectful, adults and students alike.

The Easiest Ways To Model Respect

[3:40] One of the easiest ways to model respect in the classroom is to use words like, “Please”, “Thank you”, and “I’m sorry.” Instead of telling students to be polite, using polite phrases with students models to them how you want to be treated. Yes, and sometimes you need to say, “I’m sorry.”

Kind words used throughout your day, can make a big difference in respect issues in the classroom. Greet students kindly when they come into your classroom. Use students’ names when you are talking to them. Most of all, don’t hold grudges.

Give students second chances. We all make mistakes. Don’t hold a grudge against a student. Forgive them and make an effort in the relationship to resolve past issues.

Is Respect Earned?

[6:05] There is this idea that respect must be earned, that we don’t respect someone until they respect us first. I don’t believe in that. I believe that we should respect people because we want to be a respectable person. Respecting someone is not about what they do or don’t do. It’s about what we do and who we are.

This doesn’t mean we need to put up with disrespect. It means that we lean into being respectful no matter the situation. If we can stay respectful in any circumstance, it can calm the situation down and it shows other people respect.

Start With Expectations

[7:00] A lot of disrespect can be addressed by having clear expectations. What are the rules in your classroom (or home) for being respectful? Do all of the students know the rules? You can even get kids involved in creating some of the rules, so they feel they have given some input into what respect means.

When the expecations for respect are known and repeated, there is more buy-in and there is less resistance when disrespect crops up.

Mister Brown’s Respect Rules

[7:25] When I (Mister Brown) speak to large groups of students, I have a specific set of respect rules. No matter the age of the students, I always start assemblies by going over the respect rules. A couple of them are:

I will respect you. This means I won’t talk down to them or embarrass them.
You will respect me. This means they will not talk when I’m talking, they won’t talk to their neighbor, and they won’t talk out of turn.

At the second rule, I let kids know that if they are talking while I’m talking, I’ll pause and wait for them. If they continue, I let them know that I will ask them to move. I have only had to ask students to move a couple of times. Once I stop the assembly and ask someone to move, the students get it. They know that I’m serious about the respect rules.

Active Listening Leads To Better Relationships

[8:50] Teaching respect in the classroom starts with developing a relationship with students. If educators have a relationship with students where they have been modeling respect, it’s easier to address disrespect when it comes up.

Be willing to give students respect by listening to their interests. Show your students respect by listening and making eye contact when they are telling you a story, don’t blow them off or do other things as they tell you about their lives.

Educators are so busy, the temptation can be to not stop and listen to students when they want to share about their lives. If the time is not right for sharing, tell the student that and then go back to them to hear what they had to say. Listening to students lets them know that they matter.

Part of active listening means not always filling the time with your own agenda. When possible, leave space in your day for students to share about themselves. Make yourself available for students to talk to you and ask them questions. Little conversations are building blocks for developing relationships and having respect in the classroom.

Internal Motivation

[15:00] Modeling respect can help students to be more motivated. Appealing to a student’s internal motivation can help them be more respectful. But knowing what a student’s internal motivations are requires educators to be engaged in active listening and building relationships.

Once the seed of internal motivation has been planted, walk away. The truth is, you can’t make anyone do anything. You can’t make students do their schoolwork or be respectful. What you can do, is give them space to make a choice and that also models respect.

They Are Watching

[16:30] Students are always watching what we do. They see us model respect (or disrespect) towards other students, staff, and parents. It’s going to be harder to ask students to respect us if we are not being respectful overall.

It’s about learning to work with a diverse set of people. We don’t have to like everyone or agree with everyone, but we do need to treat everyone with respect.

Agree To Disagree

[19:00] In our own lives, we need to practice respecting other people. If we talk negatively about others, it tells students they can do it too. Our attitudes towards others plays a role in disrespectful behavior in students. We have to agree to disagree and commit to decency.

“Agree to disagree and commit to decency.”

It’s about more than us. When we show respect, even when we are not receiving it in return, we become better people. Then the environment around use becomes better.

Parents

[20:15] Parent interactions can be difficult. If we are facing a really heated conversation with a parent, we may need to have a really quiet response and a short answer. It doesn’t mean your passive or you don’t care. It’s a way to stay who you are. You don’t have to change who you are because someone else behaves badly.

Choose to respond and not react. Reacting is a knew-jerk, first response that is not usually positive. A response is calm and more focused. Students need to see this modeled for them. It will help them see how they should respond in tense situations.

Whether we like it or not, we are role models. Students are looking to the adults around them to know how to respond. We don’t have to be perfect, but we can be imperfect role models.

Get access to the free video series “3 Tips To Teach Respect In Your Classroom”