Let’s Talk About Sex and Self-Control
No one wants to have a conversation with students about sex. It’s uncomfortable and awkward. Join Stephanie Feagin and me in this conversation about why talking to kids about sex is good and why it should be done.
It All Started With Sex
[0:00] I got started speaking in schools through a pregnancy testing center. I helped teach abstinence education. I really enjoyed talking to students about sex because I appreciated the opportunity to be open and honest with youth about the consequences of their life choices.
Students already know about sex and more so if they have cell phones; they have probably already been exposed to pornography. Students think they know what sex is, but they don’t know the whole truth. I want to make space for students to talk about these things and be a resource that offers another point of view.
Playing With Fire
[1:20] Abstinence education has fallen on hard times. People think that abstinence education doesn’t teach students about sex. I will talk with students about what the options are, but I’m honest about the fact that the safest form of sex is not protection but self- control.
One of the illustrations I used during my time as a sex education teacher was with a cracked egg. I would crack an egg into a bowl and ask a student to try to put it back together. The point was that even if you couldn’t put the egg back together it was still useful. For example, you could cook it and eat it. There is a lot of shame and lack of self-worth when youth have had sex. I want to give students hope and the knowledge that they are still valuable.
For me, conversations about sex are not awkward. I believe that sex is a gift from God and we have taken it and used in all kinds of wrong ways. It’s like fire in a fireplace. Fire is great when it’s inside the fireplace, but take that same fire and put in on your couch and you have a big problem. Sex isn’t a bad thing, but there are complications when it’s misused and abused. We need to present all of the facts and let students know they have important choices to make.
Self-control
[5:10] Our culture makes it seem like self-control is unnecessary. Everyone is encouraged to do whatever makes them feel good without thought about the repercussions. There are a lot of things that feel good to do in the moment that are not good to do. From drugs to sex, there are so many things that can negatively impact us and the people around us. Maybe it makes us feel better about our poor choices, but we adults need to teach kids self-control.
Self-control is about delayed gratification. We live in a world where we aren’t used to waiting for anything. This can have serious fallout from some of our choices. There is something that happens in the growing process when you have to wait on something. It builds patience and resilience. Our kids will miss out on a lot of development and growth when they miss out on delayed gratification and self-control.
Students need us to be the adult in their lives; to love them enough to say no. They may not like us for saying no, but they will love us for protecting them. No matter how good or polite they are, just because they want something doesn’t mean they are going to get it. Sometimes the answer is no.
