From THAT Kid to MY Kid

You know the one. The student who is never absent and lives to make your life difficult. Join Lauren Conner and me as we talk about how to change "that" kid to "my" kid with four simple tips.

Who Is “That” Kid?

[2:20] You know the one. The one who is never absent, the one who lives to make your life difficult, the one that you can’t seem to connect with, the one who throws things in your classroom? Yeah, that kid. It is easy to write that kid off, ignore him or her, and just try to focus on the rest of your class. However, often that specific behavior student lives to distract, derail, and discombobulate your entire class.

So how do you deal with that kid? Here are four tips and tricks that I use frequently:

1. Have Conversations With “That” Kid

[4:00] Take the time to have non-academic and non-behavior conversations with the student. I typically ask about hobbies, and I typically get a one-word answer. “Skating”, “Basketball”, “Wrestling”. Don’t be discouraged! Keep asking questions about the hobby. Even though you will most likely get one-word answers at first, by the end of the second or third week, chances are the student will start updating you on what they learned or accomplished. “Mrs. Conner, I did a flip at the skatepark yesterday.” Celebrate with the student! Congratulate them! Make sure that your encouragement isn’t only based on academic and behavioral achievements.

2. Have positive interactions with “That” Kid

[7:40] I recently wrote a blog post titled, “A Sticky Note Can Change a Life” - I encourage you to go read it! Essentially, take the time to find something positive the student did that day. It can be small, like sitting down when they entered the class or finishing a portion of the assignment. After you compliment the student, write them a note. A note that the student met an expectation is proof to that student that they are capable and worth your time and energy. It is proof they are not worthless. It also gives you the opportunity to think about this student in a different light and not just as “that” kid.

3. Model Desired Behavior

[13:30] This one is tough. Typically these students will push all of your buttons, and at some point will push you to a breaking point. Learn to apologize to your student(s) if you must. I had a hard time learning this lesson but when I did, I saw massive improvements. One year I apologized to my class after having a cranky, frustration-filled day. Later that week my most difficult student had a blowout. She ended up in the office for the remainder of the day. After school that day, she approached my classroom and apologized to me - unprompted. Don’t underestimate the power of modeling behavior.

4. Don’t Give Up

[15:40] The most difficult students are usually the ones who have had the most difficult home lives. Often these students have been given up on, pushed aside, and categorized before they have even been given a chance at redemption. Don’t give up on your student; change doesn’t happen overnight, be willing to stick with the student through their growth. Be gracious when they make a mistake, and stay consistent, but let them know that you support them and you still want them. Sometimes, all the student needs is a safe adult.

While this list doesn’t encompass all the strategies for your difficult students, I have found that regularly implementing these strategies does make a difference, not only in the student but in myself as well. When I begin to invest in a student my perspective changes, they go from being that student to my student. My attitude change often helps their attitude to change, and the classroom becomes an easier place to be.